Stay with me
by soul-wanderer94
Summary: When Emily notices that JJ is withdrawing herself from the team after the Hankel case she is determined to find out what is going on and reveals something JJ has been trying to keep a secret from the others ever since they returned home. Mentions of self-harm, pre-Jemily


**It's 6:30 am and I just spent the past 4+ hours writing this in one go (I might be a little hazy right now). This was a request I received via tumblr and I seriously underestimated the length of this plot but I really wanted to wrap this up in one go.**  
**I hope you enjoy this story (you better do after all the work I put into it, no but seriously) and maybe you could leave me a review with your thoughts because that would be really uplifting!**

* * *

„Listen up my pretty ladies of the BAU, since this is our free weekend I decided that we are in dire need of a girl's night out." Garcia excitedly entered the bullpen, more than happy to find JJ leaning against the edge of Emily's desk who was finishing up her report to hand it over to the blonde.  
As the voice of the perky tech analyst filled the room Morgan looked up from his own report to smirk at her.

"Hey, what about the pretty boys of the BAU?" He tried to sound serious but soon had a big grin plastered on his face as he watched Garcia's expressions in amusement.  
"Sorry boys, this night is for girls only. Maybe the next time." Garcia wiggled her eyebrows at Morgan while the others of the team were watching the interaction between the two.

"Alright, what do you say girls? Tonight around 8?" The perky blonde now turned towards her friends who had yet to say a word about her plans.  
When her eyes fell on JJ she could see her features tensing before she spoke up.  
"I'm sorry Garcia, but I really don't feel like going out tonight. Maybe another weekend." JJ shot her an apologetic smile, even though it didn't quite reach her eyes.  
Hearing JJ's response Emily carefully looked over at her friend to see something flickering in her eyes she had noticed a lot over the course of the past weeks.

Ever since they had returned from the Hankel case JJ had withdrawn herself and had reclined every invitation from the team. Emily knew she had a hard time finding closure after what had happened to her and Reid but something about the blonde's behaviour concerned her. Whenever someone came close to her or touched her she was jumpy and could barely hide the shivers that ran through her body. Her eyes had become dull, there was nothing left of the sparkling blue eyes she loved so much, and ever so often she could see fear flashing through them.

"Oh c'mon buttercup, I'm sure it will be fun." Garcia begged in a feeble attempt, knowing she couldn't change JJ's mind once she had made a decision.  
"Sorry Pen, really." JJ's voice grew small and seeing her like this Emily knew she had to talk to her about what was going on.  
"Please tell me you've got time for me Em." Turning towards Emily and seeing the expression on the brunette's face she could tell that she would decline as well.

"I would love to but I've been fighting against a headache all day long and really need some rest, sorry." Emily sighed. She knew it was a weak excuse but her mind was set on finding out what was wrong with JJ and that would require that she was free for the night.  
"Alright, but don't think you're off the hook so easily." Garcia sounded defeated but quickly recovered when Morgan offered to go out with her.

While Garcia resumed to chatting with Morgan JJ turned to Emily with a worried expression on her face.  
"You ok Em? Why didn't you tell me about your headache? I always keep some painkillers in my desk." Her voice was quiet and Emily immediately felt a pang of guilt because she had lied to her friends.  
"It's alright Jen. I'm not a friend of painkillers anyway and I didn't think it was necessary mentioning it." She tried to ease her mind, knowing she should be the one worrying about JJ not the other way around.  
"And you would think you and painkillers are friends after all the concussions you had." JJ's voice finally lightened up as she lovingly teased the brunette.

"Very funny Jennifer, very funny." Emily shook her head with a small laugh before closing her report and handing it over to JJ.  
"There you go. I think the weekend can begin." She let out a relieved sigh and got up to pack her bag and head towards the elevators, needing some time to think her plans over.

As they said their goodbyes Emily couldn't help but notice that JJ seemed defeated and less than excited to head home where no one would be waiting for her.  
She spent the entire ride home wondering just what exactly it was that caused such a change in the blonde but she couldn't quite put her finger on it unless she had talked to her in private.

* * *

Pacing through her apartment later that afternoon she figured out it would be best to not call JJ before driving over knowing it would give her the chance to back out of a meeting.  
Still, she didn't like the idea of surprising her but knew it was her only chance to get through to her.

Once she had changed into something more comfortable she grabbed her purse and keys before going to JJ's, knowing it was now or never.  
It was 8 pm by the time she arrived at her apartment and all of the sudden she felt nervous, not knowing if she had made the right decision.  
She nevertheless forced herself to walk up the stairs of the building and ring the bell waiting until JJ let her in.

When JJ saw who was visiting her she looked surprised and didn't quite know what to say.  
"Emily, hey. Is something wrong?" Her voice was laced with confusion as she tried to put the pieces together.  
"No, well, not really. I just missed our movie nights and thought you could use some company. Can I come in?" Emily didn't mean to sound insecure but something about JJ's appearance worried her and she was afraid of saying something wrong that would lead to JJ shutting her out.  
"Yeah, of course. Come in." JJ stepped aside to let Emily in and followed her into the living room after closing the door and locking it again.

"Do you want something to drink?" Her voice was soft, almost uncertain, and for a moment Emily got lost in those deep blue eyes of hers.  
"Yeah, sure. A coffee would be great." She choked out once she had regained her composure and went to follow JJ into the kitchen after taking a deep breath.  
JJ on the other hand only slightly shook her head, thinking it was so typically Emily to drink coffee at any time of the day.

It was only when she stood behind JJ in the kitchen that Emily noticed that she was still wearing her work clothes, the only change being that she had unbuttoned the cuffs of her blouse.  
However, when she reached up to retrieve to cups from the cupboard above her the sleeves rode up her arms, revealing something she had so desperately tried to keep a secret from the others.  
Emily gasped when she saw nasty cuts covering JJ's otherwise flawless skin which caused the blonde to turn around in shock.

"Oh JJ." Emily whispered and watched as JJ frantically tried to hide the cuts from her with panic written all over her face and tears pooling in her eyes.  
"Emily." JJ's voice cracked, afraid of what the brunette was going to say. Expecting her to turn away from her in disgust or yell at her she braced herself for the worst and protectively wrapped her arms around herself.  
It pained Emily to see her this scared but she tried her best to remain calm as she slowly approached her to take a closer look at the scars.

"Show them to me." Her voice was soft but left no room for objection and when JJ didn't move she gently slid the sleeve back up to expose her arm.  
When she first traced her fingers across the marred skin JJ flinched but still remained in place while Emily inspected her cuts.  
"Why?" She whispered after a long moment and with one simple question JJ's tears came undone and small sobs started to wreck her body.

"Shh, it's ok JJ, come here." Emily quickly ushered JJ into her arms, holding her close and gently rocking them back and forth in an attempt to calm her down.  
Running a hand through JJ's soft hair she inhaled the scent that was so uniquely her while she felt her shirt being drenched with tears.

Feeling her clinging onto her shirt she quietly spoke up, wishing the blonde wouldn't be in so much pain.  
"I'm here for you JJ, it's ok now. You are not alone." Pressing a soft kiss into JJ's hair she was relieved when she finally seemed to calm down even though her breathing was still uneven.  
"I'm sorry." Her voice was small and broken and it caused Emily to pull her even tighter because she didn't want her to be sorry for showing her weakness.  
"Don't be. You are so strong JJ, so so strong." She reassured her even though JJ had a hard time believing her.  
Shaking her head ever so slightly against the brunette's chest, wondering how Emily could possibly say something like that to her when she had seen what she had done to herself.

"Let me take care of you?" Emily had noticed that fresh cuts adorned JJ's arm and she wanted to do everything possible to make her understand that she didn't judge her and that she could trust her.  
At this JJ finally nodded and let Emily lead her towards her bathroom where the brunette went through the drawers to find everything she would need.

Kneeling down in front of JJ, who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, she gently disinfected the cuts before bandaging them and rolling the sleeve back in place.  
"There we go." A small smile graced Emily's lips for the first time that night and she helped JJ stand up again who was still quiet and would barely look at her.  
"How can you still look at me Em?" JJ eventually whispered and Emily couldn't help but brush her thumb over JJ's cheek in a loving manner.

"How could I not? Of course it hurts me to see you hurting yourself but I know that we can get through this. Together. Just promise me you won't shut me out. I need you to know that you can trust me and I want you to talk to me whenever you feel like hurting yourself, ok?" At this a few more hot tears trickled down JJ's cheeks but she still nodded before hoarsely speaking up.

"Stay with me?" Looking into her watery blue eyes Emily couldn't possibly deny her request and nodded in agreement.  
"Of course. Are you tired?" Emily asked but she could already tell how exhausted she really was and hearing JJ's confirmation they walked into the bedroom where they both got changed after JJ offered her some of her own sleeping clothes.

Tiredly slipping under the covers JJ waited for Emily to join her and when she did so she didn't hesitate to curl up against her side, waiting for Emily to drape her arm around her and pull her close.  
After a while she finally let her eyes drift close and for the first time since they had come back she felt safe again as Emily's breath softly tickled her neck.

"Thank you Em." She eventually whispered on the verge of sleep and her voice was even, allowing Emily to relax too.  
"Always." Emily murmured before pressing a gentle kiss against JJ's bare shoulder blade and finding refuge in Emily's arms JJ allowed herself to fall asleep because she knew in the end Emily would always keep her safe.


End file.
